Nightmare on Kitchen Service Street.
1.38pm................As I travel out of Amble the rain turns to sleet and not even the usual impressive sight of Warkworth Castle towering in the distance can lift my spirits. The thought of starting work at 2.00pm does not fill me with much festive joy and the 90 or so party people wanting food this evening means that my day is going to be manic where my heart will beat faster and god knows what my blood pressure will be like.
The starting at 2.00pm is pretty crap. You wake up in the morning and all you do is sit around waiting to go to work. A carbo load food intake of Bratwurst, baked beans and bread means I am already feeling bloated but I have eaten for comfort not for sensibility today.2.12pm
Theirs no changing room at work just the chemical shed so I arrive in my Chef pants already. I slip my comfortable chef shoes on and the cold icy Northumberland wind tenderly kisses my back as I take my bad boy Hoddie off and slip a tee-shirt on and then my Le Chef cool max jacket. The one with the air vents on the back. I do not think I will need them today. this kitchen has a pretty poor extractor fan in it which means in the summer its red hot and in the Winter for the last few weeks all I have heard is Chefs shouting Larry Grayson like " Shut that door..!".
The kitchen is very small too. The Chefs that started at 8.00am are here running around with lunch service and the other 3 chefs that started at 2.00pm are prepping carrots on top of Microwaves and Venison on the draining board of a sink. Their is no room for me to start my prep so I grab a small knife and help Mark peel 50 kilos of potatoes until lunch service ends at about 3.15pm.
Kelvin the head chef pops around the back " It was quiet until you arrived then all the customers arrived ! they must have seen you in the car-park and said here's the top Larder Chef its OK to eat now." I basque in the complement until Billy shouts " don't you mean the LARGER chef...! " the kitchen erupts in laughter. Even me on the outside anyway. The kitchen is no place to be sensitive. Kill or be killed springs to mind. Your mother is the only person that is banned from being targeted. A comment about someones dear sweet mother could cause violence. Believe me I have seen it happen. Having worked in an office type of environment before I know that some of the things that are said in the kitchen would not be tolerated in the normal working world and would probably be an instant dismissal but the kitchen jungle is different.
Trainee Wayne is running lunch service on the section I am going to be doing this evening. Its called Larder and Puds which basically means cold starters and desserts. Its unusual to work two sections in a kitchen not to mention bloody awful. Not only are you sending out starters but half way through the evening the dessert checks start to arrive and that's when the 'headless chicken arrives' and the evening turns fun !
Wayne is grinning. This alerts my suspicious.
"What have you done Wayne ? "
"Nothing Super big K "
"No Wayne what have you done ?" I head towards the section.
" Nothing really just a little accident" he replies.
" He nearly burnt the blooming kitchen down ! " Fred another chef shouts.
Wayne moves out of the way and on the wall like a bit of Neo-Nazi graffiti is a burn mark on the wall.
The blow torch is used for putting the caramel topping on to the creme Brullees and gently warming the ring around the Elderflower Cheesecakes. Wayne forgot to switch it off and while he released the ring around the cheesecake the flames licked the wall of the kitchen. Wayne did not smell the burning odour. Kelvin the head Chef on a section far away did. The one person you do not want to see your mistakes is the Head Chef. I think the Head Chef mentioned warming Wayne's ring with the blow torch but I don't think he meant his finger ! ha ha!
3.17pm
Service ends and clean down begins. All foods are stored away or ditched and a prep list for tomorrows lunch service is compiled. All benches, fridge door handles and stove tops are scrubbed. The floor is then swept, flooded with water, deck scrubbed, all the dirty water is then squidgy away and then the floor is dry mopped. This happens twice a day. My cleaning is always criticised by chef Fred.
"Its not I don't like cleaning Fred its just I am not very good at it ! " Ha Ha.
At this time of day the Chefs who are not doing a "DOUBLE" and are going home at 4.00pm are usually very cheerful. Those of us staying are not and if your doing a "DOUBLE" you start counting down the hours..."Just 7 and a half hours to go..!"
The "DOUBLE" is an 8.00am start and usually finishes anytime between 10.00pm and 11.00pm. Its a very hard shift where breaks are almost non-existent , the number of luke warm coffees you drink is too many to count and don't worry if your feet are hurting because the pain in your lower back will take your mind off that ! ha ha !
4.01pm
The 8-4 chefs head home and I can jump on my section and see what I need for the evening.
To be fair to Wayne their is not loads to do. In between trying to set fire to the kitchen he must have found time to prep for me.
I need to make some cinnamon spiced biscuits to accompany the poached pears and then the other jobs are pretty straight forward like slicing cherry tomatoes in half, prepping watercress, rocket and mixed leaves for the garnishing of the starters and then things like whipping up some vanilla cream.
That's all boxed off quite quickly so I start looking at some of the prep for tomorrows lunch. I make 2 cardamon and Northumberland honey chocolate tarts, a few cheesecake bases, peel some more potatoes for smoked Haddock and Salmon fishcakes and just start some beautiful Goats Cheese and garlic spring rolls which are served with watercress and the most fantastic pickled walnuts. They are on the night-time menu as well as the lunchtime one and I had enough for my shift until Fred looked at the ones Wayne had made this morning and for some reason they were soaking wet ! He had used too much water to seal them and were no good for tonight so the gentle amble I was doing towards service turned into a light jog ! ha ha.
5.30pm
You stop prepping for a while then look at the clock. 5.30pm and your heart jumps and a little panic attack starts. The doors open in an hour and now you should really be looking at setting up your two sections. The light jog turns up a pace. You rattle off what you need out for service in your mind like a pilot on a pre-flight check.
Wheres the bloody grated beetroot ? I curse Wayne ? their is none ? wait a minute there it is behind the tub of herb creme fraiche. Sorry Wayne.
I place everything I need for service on top of my starters bench putting everything for each dish together so I almost don't need to think when something comes on order. Dip dip dip away !
Then I do the same for desserts on another bench. The clock must be on speed as it races towards 6.30pm.
6.27pm
I think I am set for service but I check the menus and suddenly realise I need thinly sliced Pears for the Goats cheese dish and need to make some Wylam Beer batter for the Xmas pudding dish.
This close to service is common but does nothing for stress levels which are only on def com 2 at the moment.
6.31.....Ready !
6.35 and the beast is released into the kitchen.
Check on 4 goats, 3 salmon and 2 terrine !...check on 2 terrine...check on 3 salmon...check on 2 goats...the nasty chef running the check machine shouts at me. I do not get a copy of the check on my section for starters I have to remember what I have on.
It usually takes a little bit of time to warm up as your mind gets into a routine. Smoked salmon on first, chef zig zag of herb creme fraiche next, nice light layer of bright beetroot, into mixing bowl place a small handful of rocket leaves, 4 cherry tomato halves, 2 pieces of sliced cucumber, toasted pine nuts. Add a squirt of dressing, season then gently mix and then place on top of the salmon. Done. Now do it again.
Its Christmas and its a Table d hote menu which is 3 courses for a set price. Which means everyone is having starters and puds. If everyone turns up tonight that's about 270 plates of food going out from 4 chefs.
7.19pm... .and the sound of "Sweet check" comes whispering through the kitchen noise fog. I shout "Yes chef" if I am not in what we call the "S**t" but "yeah" if I am. At least I do not have to remember the sweet checks as I have a copy of them to aid my memory.If the guy who's cooking the meat for the mains is not busy yet he will usually swagger around the back where my sections are and in the most annoying voice he can manage says "O Kevin...sweety check..!" Other Chefs love other Chefs being in the "S**T" ! I do not bite and just say thank you or squash their hand when I take the check from them ! childish I know..! ha ha !
We have a table of 10 and 15 booked but up next is a table of 23 at 7.45 just when the table of tens dessert order is coming my way and a lovely Brucie bonus of a table of 8, 4 and 2.
So I start to do the table of 23's starters which we have on a pre-order. We do not have trolley jacks or a huge walk in fridge like some of the bigger kitchens to plate up these starters and store them for when they are required so I have to make them up as close to the table booking as I can.
7.45.....The 18 starters I have on the 23 table are done. The others are soup and mushrooms which are done round the front on mains. But their is no sign of the table of 23 ! Its now the previously mentioned dessert checks come in and because I have starters everywhere their is not a lot of space for the 24 desserts I have to now plate up.
"Check on 5 salmon, 4 Goats, 2 terrine..!" Where did that come from ! Mark the senior Sous Chef comes around and says "do you need a hand Cajun Kev !" Its a sign of weakness asking for help in a kitchen a lot of the time a Chef has a list of his own and when he has done that its rare anyone asks if you need a hand. They will fold their arms and watch you drown slowly in a sea of checks as they grin and are glad its not them. Their are exceptions and I was glad Mark came and helped.
8.29pm...def com 4. Busy period coming to an end for now as the restaurant is nearly full. Clearing check after check has made me use all the table of 23's starters up and more. No sign of the 23 yet. Spend 3 seconds looking at a pretty waitress.
8.31pm...Table of 23 arrive. No sorry for being late just we are ready now for you to serve us slaves. Start doing another 18 starters for them ! Def Con 5 launch the missiles !!
"Check on and on and on...!"
9.19pm..."Shut starters down Kev..."
9.19pm and 1 second...."YES CHEF !" relief fills your whole body. You got through starters. Just a small matter of 40ish desserts to do. You clear away as fast as you can the starter section so you can have more space to lay out your desserts.
Its at this point the most miserable person in the kitchen league table changes.
Down from number 1 to No.3 Me.
No change at No.2 Chefs on Mains.
But "up 3 big top 40 sensational places to No.1 is Lee in the swamp cleaning all the pots,pans, cutlery and crockery !"
When I first dipped my toe into this culinary water 8 years ago I washed dishes and as previously mentioned it was the most horrible job ever. The smell and the rash on my arms from an reaction to the cheap nasty washing liquid will stay with me forever. Lee is a mate of mine and hats off to him. It is a job I could not do and as much as its a pain when a chef does not turn in for work its even worse when the swamp monster is off !
9.34pm...the last main courses are sent. The Mains section clean down and come and laugh at me on sweets usually.
9.39pm...the table of 23 are ready for their desserts. In an unprecedented act of chef helpfulness Fred and Richard come round and help me send 5 cheese boards, 6 Wylam beer battered Christmas puddings, 3 Cardamon and Chocolate tart, 4 poached pears with rum and raisin ice cream, 5 Orange sticky toffee puddings with salted butterscotch sauce and ginger ice-cream.
9.46pm......23 desserts leave the kitchen.
9.47pm..... 2 desserts come back. A fairly typical occurrence on a large pre-order table. People are drunk and have forgotten what they have ordered or usually see something else that other people are having and swear blind that they ordered that instead of what they actually had ordered. They expect you just to turn out what they want with no extra charge and just throw into the bin what you have just made for them. It does not work out like that in life so why should a kitchen be any different.
While I am still doing desserts the kitchen floor gets the same treatment like it did after lunch service. Thats one perk of doing desserts you sometimes miss out on doing the floor !
10.14pm...the last dessert goes out...1 chocolate,cardamon and honey tart served with Vanilla cream and sprinkled with Praline !
I have said it before the Chef on pastry is the last one home. Tonight it is me again.
10.31pm... in the car park deicing my car !
At 43 I wonder how long I can keep doing this kind of commitment to what is a job after all.
Gordon Ramsey said its a young mans game. He might be right, however I do know that my love of food and the chance to practice the skill and craft of cooking each day keeps me coming back into these kinds of tough service kitchens. Maybe its a drug.
I do love challenging myself in this environment every day and to say I have learned so much at the Treehouse would be an understatement and I am going to miss them all when I finally leave in January after a long 8 month assignment.
The fire will still burn within me for another year at least ! Keep Wayne away from the blow torch and the fire in the treehouse will not ! ha ha !
11.02pm....Jet petrol garage, Fairmoor near Morpeth just off the black ice covered A1. Where are the Gritters ! 8 cans of Budweiser purchased.
11.19pm...Home...shower...beer.....sandwich....view half Harry Potter DVD......3 cans drunk...bed..! off tomorrow. "DOUBLE" the next !
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